A Few Words on My New Haircut

Welcome Pechu!!

About 3 weeks ago we lost one of our degus, Miss Vida. Vida will be sadly missed by all, but in particular by her BFF, Baby Shiloh.

It became clear very quickly that we needed to find Shiloh a new friend. She became withdrawn and nervous in the first week of Vida’s passing. I searched high and low for a new cagemate. The only real requirements were that the new degu must be female and in good health. I checked Petfinder.com, the SPCA, Craigslist, and even phoned around to all the local pet stores that occasionally rehome animals. No luck. So with the help of my friend Chenoa (http://twitter.com/#!/0nedove), I decided to try putting an ad up on Craigslist.

SHILOH (AKA BABY)

Days went by with no responses and I was starting to lose hope. But then yesterday morning I received an email from a family that had 4 degu siblings, 3 boys and 1 girl. The girl, Pechu, was just under a year old and currently living with her 3 brothers. Prior to arriving to their loving family, they had all almost become snake food! But lucky for them (and us!) the snake wasn’t much for degus, and they were adopted into a happy family and even reunited with a long lost brother! Hoorah!

Being the only girl, Pechu, was sometimes the odd man (or shall we say woman) out. And her new family wasn’t too keen on having baby degus taking over the cage. So when her mom saw that Shiloh was in need of a friend she contacted me about her girl, Pechu.

PECHU

Pechu arrived just this morning and seems to be fitting right in! I set up her cage for her so that it was all ready for her arrival :) She explored all the levels, ate some hay and pellets, and seemed interested in smelling through to the cage below her to check out her new friend, Shiloh.

Over the next few weeks the girls will slowly be introduced. Introducing new degus can be a little tricky but we’ve had lots of success in the past. This is the method we use: http://www.degutopia.co.uk/deguintros.htm

I’ll keep you posted on their progress!

Amazing Vegan Mock Tuna Salad

Everything is to taste as measuring is against my religion...

Ingredients:

• 1 package thawed tofu (Freezing it gives it a great texture for the salad!)
• Mayo substitute
• Diced onion
• Diced celery
• Chopped green onion
• Nutritional yeast
• Kelp powder
• Salt
• Pepper
• Soy sauce or Braggs
• Dried or fresh parsley

Directions:

1. Crumble tofu
2. Throw everything into a bowl and mix
3. Make sandwiches
4. Eat sandwiches
5. Let your digestive system do its thing
6. Repeat

A whole package of tofu makes enough for four good size sandwiches so I often just make a half recipe. Refrigerates well.

Enjoy!

Rescue Pet Love

If you’ve ever read my Tweets you’re probably well aware ofmy animal obsession. In particular, I have a special place in my heart for furry critters in need of a home. This lovehas lead me to be the proud owner of 7 rescue furballs. In order of pigiority(in our household animals acquire seniority, AKA pigiority, based on their timein our household).

Ameryth (Aliases:“Big Pig”, “Wompa Stompa”)

Species: Guinea Pig - Peruvian

Age: 4.5 years

Pigiority: 2.5 years

Personality: Large and in charge

Back Story: The shelther where we got Big Pig really had noinfo on her backstory. So here’s our story acquiring the Big:

We arrived at the New Westminster animal shelter to find BigPig had been shaved everywhere but her head. It was awesome so we had to takeher. Usually, they make you fill out a bunch of forms and come back a weeklater once you’re deemed worthy to pay $30 for a fat, 2 year old shaved guineapig. But our skinny jeans must have been giving off a “We don’t have a snakewe’re planning on feeding this to” vibe. The girl turned to us and said, “Soyou got a box?” To which we replied, “Nope.” So they gave us a towel and wedrove home with Big Pig on my lap. She didn’t seem to care at all.

Patience (Aliases:“Peaches”, “Smellbot”, “Patchwork Peaches”, “Smellcat”)

Species: Dog – German Shepard / Lab mix

Age: 3 years

Pigiority: 1.5 years

Personality: Bouncy

Back Story: Patience was brought into the Coquitlam animalshelter as a stay. They soon found she’d been hit by a car at some point, which broke her sacrum and caused a fair dea of nerve damage in her back end andtail. She ended up spending over 6 months in a vets office (where the staff dubbed her Pateince for her good behavior in so many procedures). Once mostly recovered she was returned to the shelter for adoption. Apparently, large big black female dogs are some of the hardest to find home for. So Patience was inthe shelter for another 3 months before we came across her. Due to her continuing medical treatments we brought her on initially as a foster dog. But like anything fuzzy I touch, I’m never able to let it go again.

Miss Vida (Aliases:“Vee Vee”, “Crunch Ball”)

Species: Degu

Age: 5 years

Pigiority: 1.5 years

Personality: Cuddly Explorer – Guinea Pig Hater for Life

Back Story: Vida originally lived in a nice home with twoother degus. Then one day those two degus were all like “Hey bitch! We’s gonna kill you!” And Miss Vida was given up. But fortunately we had a lonely degu inneed of a new degu friend! And so Miss Vida joined the team and has been sinceeating her way to blimp like proportions.

Harley Quinn(Aliases: “Quindalyn”, “Princess”)

Species: Guinea Pig – Abyssinian

Age: 6 years

Pigiority: 1.5 years

Personality: People = Love, Pigs = Face Bite

Back Story: Harley (formerly Coco) was abandoned to theSurrey Animal Shelter by a family whose children had grown bored of her. You know, cause guinea pigs are just like last seasons Barbies right? She’d never lived with any other guinea pigs, and was very unsure of any interaction with people. When we got her home we soon found she was terrified of our other pigs and immediately would go into piggy attack mode. It took about 6 months to getthem to actually live together in relative peace and harmony. It took even longer for Quinn to like being handled by us. Now she’s the biggest sweetie. She loves to come out and fall asleep on your lap :)

Sopie (Alias: “SofaKing”)

Species: Guinea Pig – American, Albino

Age: 6 years

Pigiority: 1 year

Personality: Snuggly

Back Story: Sophie was abandoned along with her bunnycompanion to a pet supply store where we get our timothy hay by another family whose children were all like “Guinea pigs are boring, can I have an xBox?”Sophia was all alone as her bunny companion had already been adopted. She was identical to my first guinea pig, Sunny, so I knew as soon as I saw her that she would be mine (oh yes). Then I didn’t leave the store until Kyle agreed to let me have her. Success!

Shiloh (Alias:“Baby”)

Species: Degu

Age: 1.25 years

Pigiority: 1 year

Personality: Sneaky

Back Story: I found Shiloh on Craigslist and called to findthe owner wasn’t sure if she was a boy or a girl. Hmmmm I said. So I did soresearch on degu junk and setup a time come meet Miss or possibly MisterShiloh. For some reason she was being housed in a rabbit cage without and climbing or hiding spots. I could tell she was only a couple month old, and pretty much terrified. The girl at the house said she often went to a local petstore and felt bad when Shiloh was the only degu left of her litter. Despite alack of any research into degus she took her…. In her defense she soon realized her lack in ability to care for Shiloh and listed her on Craigslist. I checked out her junk and decided she was indeed a she. We got her home and she was like“OMG another degu!” And Vida was like “OMG you’re my baby!” And then livedhappily ever after.

Reginald (Aliases:“Charlie”, “Char Char”, “Chia Man”, “Lady Gentleman”)

Species: Chinchilla

Age: 2.5 years

Pigiority: 8 months

Personality: Bouncy Little Bastard

Back Story: Charlie was the unfortunate unwanted child of adivorce. I have a feeling he was owned by an 8 year old girl as his cage was covered in pink heart stickers. But then again that’s something I might do, soperhaps it was just an immature adult. When we first saw him I was all “Mine! Mine!Mine!” And Kyle was all “we’re leaving.” Now he lives upstairs. He’s the first chinchilla I’ve ever had and is totally awesome. He loves to destroy everything in his cage and really enjoys throwing his food bowl from the top, 4’ high platform.If you rub his cheeks he will be your best friend for life. He believes the degus do not desrve dust baths, ever. And best of all if you give him a treat he deems unworthy, he’ll take it from his mouth and throw it at you. Chinchilla<3

Awesome Vegan Shoes and Moving (un)Fun

I finally got a pair of shoes up on Etsy. Success! I don’t even care so much if they sell (Not that it wouldn’t be nice, mind you). But I’ve been talking about doing it for the better part of a year. The pair I put up are Rock Star Ankle Boots. Gold studs and spikes, and zippers galore. If you want to check them out:

In other news I think it’s been decided that we’re going to sell our house and move closer into Vancouver. I did some math and with my current 1.5 hour commute I’m commuting 3 hours a day, 15 hours a week, and 750 hours a year (15*50). THAT IS 31 DAYS A YEAR. A whole month! And we’re talking a long month like January, none of this 28 day February shit. So alas, we shall
move. We’re still working out all the details and likely won’t be listing our townhouse for at least a few months. And by working out all the details I mean I’m trying to convince Kyle that moving on the other side of the Fraser is a spectacular idea! I’ve gotten him willing to look at such properties. Progress is slow, but moving forward :)

Okay I’m done now. Here’s a list of books I read in January. I’m super impressed only two of them are teen vampire novels! (You should be too.)

1. Bite Club – Rachel Caine
2. Last Breath – Rachel Caine
3. Damned – Chuck Palahniuk
4. The Hunger Games – Suzanne Collins
5. Catching Fire – Suzanne Collins
6. Mockingjay – Suzanne Collins
7. Game of Thrones – George R. R. Martin

Dear Diary,

Stefan’s still hasn’t found his humanity. And I feel like Damon doesn’t even….

Oh wait, I don’t live in Vampire Diaries. You totally forget how to write one of these things when you haven’t updated in awhile. Oh wait, spew random garbage out, insert pictures, make sure to NEVER, EVER reread anything you’ve already typed. It’s down, it counts. Just like in checkers.

So I’ve been a busy bee making shoes, a 90s video game costume and a website. Yes I totally made my own website. You can check it out here:

www.jennyfallsdown.com

In shoe news I made some super awesome all black studded Converse Allstars. Of course they have black Swarovski crystals on the toes. REQUIRED!

I also have a new upcoming project that involves 70s platforms, leopard print and a ridiculous number of shiny objects.

In other news I made an M. Bison costume for Kyle for Halloween. Just don’t tell him there’s pics of it online or my blue eyes just might get gouged out with spoons.

MEOW!

Ashtry Girl - A Short Story

This is a short story I wrote a few weeks ago. Parental discretion is advised.



Who decided it was a good idea to put stippled shit on ceilings? Did some half-ass construction guy that could never properly finish a ceiling say to his crew, “Hey guys, what if we just put some ugly popcorn crap all over it so no one will notice?” Anyways, it’s ugly as fuck and makes for a bitch in hanging posters. Yes, I like to put posters on my ceiling. Yes, I’m aware of how lame that is.

It’s 3:30pm on a Wednesday and I’m lying on my bed looking at my ceiling. Again. I got up at 1:30pm, showered, dressed, ate some Fruit Loops and spent an hour doing my hair and makeup. I’m full on goth today. We’re talking raccoon eyes, black lipstick and half a bottle of hairspray. I’m wearing my best fishnets too. You know the ones with just the right number of holes? But I have absolutely nothing to do. So I’ve lit some candles, turned on Joy Division and here I am.

Two quick knocks on the door and in pops my bottled blond roomie Cassie. “Jules, I’m doing some grocery shopping before I head to the club, you need anything?”

“No. I’m on a diet.” I cover my eyes at the evil sunlight she’s allowed to penetrate my sanctuary.

Cassie huffs with a little smirk and says, “You are always on a diet when it’s time to buy groceries. Then you eat all my food. So what do you want?”

“Red Bull. Sugar-free.”

“That’s not food.”

I sit up in my bed. “Sure it is. It has nutritional information and everything.”

“Whatever.” Cassie shakes her head. “Why don’t you just come with?”

“I’m busy.”

“Uh… with what exactly?” Cassie scans my room.

“Okay, fine I’m not busy.” I confess.

“Then come with me. Other than work you haven’t been outside since Rose…”

“Do NOT even speak her name right now.” I cut off Cassie.

“Fuck. Get over it. She obviously has.” Cassie picks up my black All Stars and tosses them at the foot of my bed. “Put these on. We’re going.”

I respond with the pathetic whimper of a two year old being left at daycare, “Fine.”


* * * *

I always get dirty looks from suburban housewives with tots. Their kids are always fascinated by my ever changing rainbow hair. This week’s colour is emerald green. But when little Suzy tugs on Mom’s Lululemon sweater and says, “Mom! Look mom!” Pointing in my direction, “Can I do that mom? Can I?” Well that’s when Mommy gives me a quick shame on you look and says “Come on Suzy we need to hurry to pick up Tim from soccer practice.”

“Jules, do you want Oreos or Fudgeos?” Cassie asks bringing me out of my stupor.

“What?” I respond blankly. She waves the two boxes in front of my face. “I told you. I’m on a diet.” I go back to picking off the chipped glitter black nail polish I’ve been wearing for the last 3 weeks.

“Well since I know you’re going to end up pigging on them in front of Gossip Girl why don’t you just pick anyways?” I point to the Oreos. “Thank you Miss Cheerful!” I flip her the bird. “Aww poor baby. It’s so hard to be you. You want to go coning at McDonald’s after like all the other emo fucks? Would that make the l’il baby feel all better?” She says in her baby voice.

“Fuck you.” I respond. Cassie laughs at me.

“Seriously, Jules! You need to lighten up a little. It’s been three weeks and it’s not even you who got dumped!”

“I’m goth. We’re supposed to act like this.”

“Oh shut up with the whole I’m goth thing. You know you’re being a big whiny baby.”

“I know I am. I’m sorry I just feel like everything blows right now.”

“Listen I know you don’t want to talk about it and that’s cool, but I’m sick of living with Emily the Strange okay? Let’s have a normal shopping adventure, grab Starbucks, and go watch shitty reality TV okay?”
I nod.

“Don’t you have to head to work?”

Cassie shrugs, “It’s Wednesday. We’re always slow until 9:30pm. It won’t affect my tips.” She smiles at me, “Plus, I think you need some girl bonding time.”

“That’s probably true. But not the kind you and Lucy will have on stage later tonight.” She sneers at me.

“Slut,” she grins and we both giggle.

“Hey, I’m not the one who dances in a G-string for a living.”

“And I’m not the one getting up at 3:30 in the morning to make coffee for grumpy strangers for minimum wage.” She had me there.

“Okay, so both our jobs suck.” Cassie nods in agreement. We both stare at each other.

“But mine pays better!” she smiles. I push her into a display of Coke just as a store manager looking guy walks by.

“Ladies!” he says in a very authoritarian tone.

“Sorry, sorry!” I say. “She uh… tripped.” I grab Cassie’s outstretched arm and pull her back to her feet.

The balding manager rolls his eyes and continues on his mission, clipboard in hand.
Cassie scrunches her nose and mimics, “Ladies!” right in my face. Somehow this lame shopping trip is the highlight of my month.

“So what else do we need?” I ask leaning on the shopping cart.

“I think we have pretty much everything. Were you serious about wanting some Red Bull though cause…” Cassie kind of drifts off and is looking directly over my shoulder. “Actually, Red Bull’s terrible for you let’s go.” She says grabbing my arm and dragging me out of the aisle towards the cash registers. She’s too slow though and I catch sight of Rose just before we turn the corner.

“Oh my god. Perfect. Just perfect. And she’s with that asshat isn’t she?” And today sucks again.

“Well I don’t exactly know what Mr. Asshat looks like but that guy definitely had douchebag written all over him. Seriously, who would leave Brian for him? His hair looks like he cut it blindfolded with safety scissors.”

I so want to go home right now. Just leave the groceries and go. “He probably did. If that’s what the kids are doing these days anyways. I bet he’d be in.” I shook my head. “Fuck, let’s just pay and go.”

“Fine by me. We still cool for Starbucks?” Cassie starts pushing the cart to the cash.

“Yeah, sure. I just want to get out of this fucking store.”

A thin, dainty hand grabs my shoulder. “Julie?” Just fucking great. I turn around to see Rose and douche boy hand in hand behind Cassie and I. She’s looking perfect as usual. Rose is one of those people that just make you want to give up and die because there’s no way you’re ever going to be anywhere near as good at life as she is. She’s 5’8, bone thin but somehow still with a nice shape to her, has exquisite light brown hair, cheek bones top super models only dream of, oh and of course she sings and paints beautifully. Bitch. She was also until very recently my BFF since like 4th Grade. Actually, she still thinks we’re BFFs. I think she does at least. “I thought I saw you down the aisle! Hey you remember Mark right?”

Douchebag does a lame head nod in my direction and says. “S’up.” WHO THE FUCK SAYS S’UP?

I take a deep breath and fight the urge to punch him. “Yeah we met briefly at the Lionhead show. Remember it was you, me and Brian?”

Rose gives me a don’t bring up the ex look. “Uh right…” She says awkwardly. “Listen, did you lose your phone or something? I’ve been texting like mad.” Oh really? Well I blocked your number you leggy skank.

I shrug, “I’ve just been busy. But I have to go. Cassie needs to get to work.” I turn to leave and Rose grabs my arm.

“Look, Julie, I just want to talk okay.” Rose and my grandmother are the only people in the world I let get away with calling me Julie. It makes me feel like I’m a five year old in a tutu and pigtails. Rose looks at Cassie, “Cassie can I steal her for just 5 minutes?”

I look at Cassie with eyes pleading for her to back me up on this one. “Do what you need to Jules.” I glare at her. I’m so eating all of her fucking Oreos while she’s at work tonight. No on second thought my ass is big enough. I’ll just throw them out instead.

Rose turns to Mr. D-bag. “Mark can you give us a few?” He’s tracing the outline of the purple octopus that makes up a good portion of his left sleeve. An underwater scene for an arm piece? How original.

“S’Cool,” he grunts. Can this boy not speak a single word coherently? He pulls out his iPhone and starts walking back down the aisle.

“Let’s go outside.” Rose smiles with her perfectly white grin.

We sit down at a picnic table out front. I choose the shaded side under the big green umbrella. We sit in awkward silence for 30 seconds. I can tell Rose is trying to come up with some sort of reason/excuse for her slutty behavior. She bites the right side of her lip.

“Look I just want to say I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I need to say that to you since you’re not the one I cheated on but…”

“Pfft.” I say impulsively.

“What?” she asks.

“Nothing.”

She sighs, “Julie it’s not nothing. If there’s something wrong tell me. We’ve been best friends since girl scouts! I just want to fix this.” She looks so sincere.

“I don’t know Rose. I just need some time okay?” Fuck I don’t want to be here.

“No. You’ve had time. Now spit it out. I can handle it.”

I play with the ashtray in the middle of the table. There’s no diplomatic way to say it. But then again when have I ever cared about being diplomatic? “How could you fucking do that to him?”

“What?”

“To Brian. He treated you like a fucking Queen and you tore his heart from his chest, rolled it in dog shit and left it to rot.” God I’m so dramatic. I continue to play with the ashtray. I know she’s on the verge of tears.

“Look I didn’t mean for it to happen…”

“Oh so you just woke up one morning sucking Mark’s dick and went with it?” Yeah that was harsh. Even for me.

“Oh my god!” Her eyes are watering up.

“Look I’m sorry. It’s just…” How do I even explain to her why I’m so angry? “I really liked Brian. And I never like the trash you date. I really liked me, you and Brian hanging out all the time. And Brian’s just… Brian’s just an awesome guy. And please don’t tell me he’s not ‘cause you know he totally is. And you ruined it.”

Rose nodded, “I know Brian’s great. Really, I do. I didn’t do it because Brian’s not great.”

“Look I don’t really care why you did it. It’s done.”

Rose wiped away a single tear from her dimpled left cheek. “Then why can’t we just move on? I know I didn’t handle things very well but relationships end. I’ve had lots of breakups in the past, so have you, and we’ve always been there for each other to call our exes assholes and…”

“But Brian’s not an asshole.”

“I know he’s not. I just don’t know why this is so different for us.”

To be honest I don’t fully know either. So I tell her what I do know, “I just, I feel like I’ve lost two friends.”

Rose grabs my hand and smiles, “You haven’t lost anyone. I’m right here. And if you want to hang out with Brian don’t think I’m trying to stop you. I know we were all friends. I do. If you want to still be friends with him to I’m okay with that. You have my permission.” Oh thank you your highness for granting me permission to choose my own friends!

I pull my hand away. “It’s not that simple.”

“It can be.”

I shake my head, “No it really can’t. Because I’m not going to be the clingy friend of the ex and you’re now attached to the hip with a walking, talking dildo.”

“Okay let’s leave Mark out of this, please? It’s not his fault.”

“I never said it was. It’s your fault.”

Rose pushes herself up from the table. “I don’t even know why I bother trying to get through your river of crap. I’m allowed to break up with guys, Julie. When you can deal with that and be my friend again feel free to give me a call.” She storms off I’m sure to reunite with the new love of her life. I turn the ashtray upside down and play with the butts. Drawing shapes in the ashes.

Cassie pushes the cart of bagged groceries up beside me and sits down. “That’s fucking disgusting.” She says as I continue to play with the dumped contents of the ashtray.

“I know.” I say softly.

“Then stop it.” She demands. I drop the cigarette butt. “I’m guessing that didn’t go so well?”

“Ding, ding, ding!”

Cassie wraps her arm around my waist and leans her mop of red curls against my shoulder. Let’s go get coffee. Coffee fixes everything.” I rest my head on hers.

“Okay.”

We load the car with groceries and I slip into the passenger seat of her red VW Beetle placing my purse on my lap. She turns on the engine as I feel my phone buzz. I have a text. It’s probably Rose apologizing, or bitching, or doing something else I’m not interested in. I pull out my iPhone.

BRIAN: “Wanna get coffee or something tonite? It’s not weird I’m asking right?”

ME “Not weird. Pick u up at 7?”